What happens when your dreams turn out looking like your nightmare?
I think it's a lucky few that actually find them, unfortunately.
When I go to the streets to see the girls that are prostituted down there, I always like to ask them "what is your dream?" It says a lot of who a person is and their God intended purpose for their lives.
A couple weeks ago, I got to visit the Guadalahorce warehouse district for the first time during the night where the prostitutes post up on the street corners. It is usually too dangerous to walk around at night, but this time we were fortunate to have a driver take us. When darkness covers this area, the spiritual atmosphere shifts and it feels very dark and heavy. Even seeing some of their faces, although we didn't know them, you can tell that the repetitive years of abuse numbed them into false versions of who they are.
It was cold this night, and I wondered how these girls stand out on these corners some with barely any clothing on. I watch the random car stop along side of a girl and after the transaction is made, she is taken away leaving an empty corner behind. All I wanted to do was hug them and let the love I felt for them flood through my touch before it was too late.
The area is divided, one side dominated by Romanian girls while in the opposite section there are the Nigerian girls. Some times you even run into transvestites that seem more provocatively striving for attention than the girls. The Romanian girls were very hostile to us and made it clear they didn't want us around. Honestly, they intimidate me because the majority or all of them don't know English, and well my Spanish hasn't progressed enough to hold a conversation let alone explain why we are there. And why are we there? We tell them of Jesus, we speak hope letting them know that people are fighting for them, we pray for them, we love on them, and then we go. But it frustrates me, because EVERY ONE of them says they have no way out because no one will hire them. And it makes since, who would want to hire an illegal immigrant whose only job experience is prostitution? And I thought back to Jesus and how he didn't just come and say "I am the Way" and left them, but he gave them what they needed whether it was food, healing, a touch, etc. And I realized we've got to get these girls jobs, we've got to get them off the streets, we've got to give them reason to dream. And what if our dream is being able to provide others with the chance for their dreams to come true?
I want to introduce you to a couple of these amazing woman......
We pulled up to a dark street corner and standing there was a young Nigerian girl. She was strikingly beautiful and there was a softness about her that hadn't been stolen from her yet. My friend Michelle and I walked up to her and she just glowed as we approached her. Sandra was her name and she is only 20 years old. She was very open with us. She told us how her dream was to become an actress. She had left her four sisters (one who made it to England) and her mother to try to find her dream and make money for her family. Then she stated to cry. She missed her mom. She hated what she did and was ashamed of it. I kept hearing God speak the word "Valuable". And I told Sandra she is so valuable and there is no price that these men could put on her that would match how precious and valuable she is. She cried harder. And then we just hugged. It was no longer "prostitute" and "us", but rather three women embracing crying together as we felt the others pain. We prayed over and told her we loved her. This experience brought me to a new perspective of how God's love can never be limited to what has been done to us or what we have done. Even in those dark moments, we are fully loved.
Later, that night we came to another woman whose dream was to be a singer. Her name is Esther. To my surprise, we were prayed over by her. And wow, what a powerful woman she is. I was humbled beyond anything coming to tell these women about Jesus and here this woman prays for me! She even invited us her church! I know it seems odd because you don't think of singing, praying prostitutes on street corners, but they exist! And wow did this woman love Jesus. But again she just couldn't find a way out. I believe that this woman is going to live out a life like Esther in the Bible. She will find freedom. And she will lead her people into freedom. And we spoke and prayed that over her.
So, I am sitting here looking at a list of other names all with dreams matched to them. Dreams and lives that have been prostituted in so many different terms. My friend here told me "that it is a privilege to be able to dream". Let that sink in! And how often do we take that for granted and even waste those dreams! But what if we walked into our dreams? What if our dreams will lead others into the freedom of finding their dreams...and what if through you being bold enough to live out your dream, others discover the privilege of being able to dream as well!
So for an update.... the rainy season in Spain has finally passed us by and the temperatures are warming up making the beach along the Mediterranean look even more appealing. Classes have resumed and we are entering in to our second and final semester here. Vision projects have been presented and business plans are in the works. But it seems every week that goes by, I discover further open and closed doors that take me a baby step forward.
There is so much I want to share with you about my vision and next steps, which I promise will come soon! But I find that I need to rewind a few steps and answer a question that I probably should have answered from the beginning.
What is G42?
Honestly, it's not just any school but rather a training ground. The 42nd generation is a network of Christ-followers with the mission to plant churches, businesses, & ministries to spread the Kingdom of God around the world - to inspire and develop leaders who are passionate about giving their lives to the Message of Christ.
AND the 42nd Generation is US!
If you trace the genealogy of Jesus in Matthew 1, you count 41 generations, yet the Bible says that there are 42 generations listed (3 sets of 14 from Abraham to David to Christ Jesus). So, is the bible wrong? Or are we missing something? Simply put, we believe that the 42nd generation is Christ formed in His church today. It is you and it is me.
And, we, as the body of Christ, have the responsibility, authority and power to share Christ with the world... to bring His Kingdom 'on earth as it is in Heaven'.
Prior to coming to Spain, I came across this paragraph on their website
and I knew this is what I wanted.....
Paul said, "I labor until Christ is found in you." The whole point of the Church is to get Christ formed in us. We must get past elementary things. We must move beyond the need for more inner healing and deliverance. If you have that need, get it and let's go. Get healed. Get over it. Let's get out of the bed. We need the bed. We have got plenty of beds, but churches are more than hospitals. You can stay in the hospital while you get healed, but you need to walk in health."
I knew there was more to this life then "trying" to appease the religiousness implanted within us that never is appeased or satisfied. I failed every day. But thank God I have failed at being perfect because that only qualifies me for the greatest gift ever and that's God's love. It has nothing to do what I do, but who I am...the one loved unconditionally by God. And that love is what transforms lives.
How many of us in the church are trying to earn God's love when we are already fully loved?We are the will of God. We are his human partners in bringing about His Kingdom. Let's get "healthy", not let our pasts define our future, discover who the real you is, make a plan, and say AMEN!
I know this is kind of raw.
Maybe too raw to some; maybe not raw enough for others.
I get scared posting my heart because I worry what others may think.
Oh, no she doesn't have it all together. Ooops, surprise. I don't.
It's such a learning process and I seem to go about it messy and obvious.
I have so much other things I want to share with you and yet my brokenness is what must be released right now.
When you start to respond to the call on your life, things that need to die of your self seem to surface and that is what I am going through now.
So I am here mourning this death. Today will soon be over and tomorrow will come. But in the meantime I need to just be.
In all honesty, right now I feel as though my heart is being torn down the middle. Maybe like the curtain that tore when Christ died on the cross that separated the death of the past from the hope of the future.
Why must something die inside for me to reach a place of life?
And how do you put your hope in a God who seems to be the one that is tearing you from the core? But then at the same time your only hope is to place hope in this God.
I do know that He is a God who desires us to respond. But I realize only part of my heart responds and I have found places of me that I don't want Him to have all of.
Why?
I guess because I don't trust Him with it. But letting go is the only place of freedom, even if I must put my clenched fists up in the air to Him and give Him it that way, I will. You may say that is valiant or strong of me. I think its more out of desperation and weakness.
I think we get this idea or picture of freedom, and God is like yeah, but my Freedom looks like this...
and you sit there staring at a whole new canvas that you never fathomed before. But it means you have to toss out the picture that you first created with your own hands.
I know God is good in my mind, but in my heart I am struggling right now. I know His freedom is good because he is good, but in my heart I want to scream. When will the aching end? Jesus paid the price for me to be free, why do I feel like I have to walk on shards of glass to get there? I don't want to bleed. Jesus your blood is enough. God help me let go. Help me find me again. Help me find joy again and life.
All I can say is help.
And then there is tomorrow.
The sun will shine.
I will put my smile on.
I will live. I will hope. I will be free.
And I will move on,
because life is messy and somehow that mess turns into a beautiful masterpiece when you step away
We jumped on the bus ... We rode the train ... We walked into the streets ....
And we entered into their lives
.
They are the prostitutes. They have been dubbed as the Scum of the Earth.
Degraded.
Devalued.
Used.
Dishonored.
Daughters.
Mothers.
Sisters.
Cousins.
Wives.
Just 30 minutes awayfrom Mijas, I entered into a world so different from what I have seen before. We got out of the train station and there were rows of warehouses everywhere, a perfect backdrop for what seems could be a dangerous place when the sun sets. A lone woman would be standing on a corner waiting for someone to drive by and pick her up. A madaam sometimes was in close proximity keeping watch. When walking you had to keep an eye out to avoid used condoms and broken glass everywhere.
It broke my heartwhen I spotted a Nigerian woman on the curb in front of us. I prayed God would let us talk to her. I saw on 3 different occasions cars would come up to her and each time when they got closer, they just drove off. An answer to prayer? Yea, but it broke my heart to know the damage that was being done to her heart even in those moments of rejection.
This woman's name was Vivian.
It was freezing cold on the streets and she wore barely anything as she held herself together with the bit of dignity that she mustered up. She was very open and honest about her life and situation and told us how she didn't want to live this way. She had hope to find a "good" man who will take care of her and give her the opportunity to have a real job, kids, a home. It was interesting to me how men have taken advantage of her so much throughout her life, and yet to her a "good" one will also solve all her problems. I know her heart was looking for the best man of all, Jesus.
A friendmade a good point to me the other day when she told me how it is truly a privilege that we can dream. These woman are out there on survival mode and dreaming is not even an option. They have nothing and they walk the streets not knowing if tomorrow they will surviveit. One of the woman that our outreach continually visits went missing a few weeks ago and no one knows where she was TAKEN. This is the story of their lives.
We came with flowers and cookies. We came to tell them they are loved. We came to tell them that they are beautiful. It's hard not having a solution. It's hard to hear them say they want a way out, but have nothing to offer them. I have to trust that our prayers over these woman were altering their futures and disturbing the plans Hell had on their lives.
Here in Spain, prostitution is legal although 90% of working girls are assumed to be illegal immigrants.
Spain and Italy are known to be the #1 tourist destinations for prostitution.
And unfortunately, there is near NOTHING being done in these countries to help these woman.
These woman have been trafficked from countries in northern Africa, Eastern Europe, even South America.
Some are convinced by threats of voodoo powers being held over them (mainly from African countries), others at the threat of their lives, others by false propositions for work.
We saw the lower endof the prostitution realm known as "street walking" or "kerb crawling". These woman make just mere pocket change or are sometimes not even paid because they are considered to be so worthless. In places such as Marbella where prostitution is involved in the upper class and ritzy areas, woman can earn an average of 10,000 Euros a night! Also where an addiction to prostitution can play in as a factor for some of these women.
A friend here in Spainwho has gone through the G42 program has a heart for these "woman of the night" in Spain. Stephanie has partnered with an organization based in the States called MATTOO.
MATTOO (Men Against The Trafficking Of Others) is a first-of-its-kind nonprofit that aims to get men involved in the anti-human trafficking movement worldwide by educating and involving men in raising international awareness that leads to effective public policy and cultural changes, and by employing the power of business to abolish human trafficking.
She is in the beginning stages to get these woman on the streets help, and weekly makes visits to them letting them know,"they are not alone. We are working on something. And there is hope."
Having a desire to make a difference in lives of these women, I needed my heart broken and their faces implanted in my memory. I needed to keep the horror of it real and fresh. We can't let our hearts and minds get desensitized by statistics and problems.
We must hear their stories .... we must look into their eyes....
I wanted to share with you
my story
in a way that I have never shared it before.
I pray that you can discover a piece of your heart in between the lines
of this story
as well as uncover HIS specific
flower for YOU.
Once upon a time, there was a nameless girlthat was trudging through what seemed to be endless and muddy pathways leading to no where. Some thought she was lost, others thought she was crazy. She appeared to be on a mission, set out for a destination, but no one knew where and no one knew why. She wore a dress that resembled more of a rag than the once emasculate design it had long ago been intended to look like. The hem was caked with the backsplash of mud that spewed up from her bare feet that were as filthy as the road she walked on. Her hair was pulled into a single braid that rested on the right side of her chest. Her eyes were the color blue, but there was a determination within them that made them appear darker. Lines were left behind in the dirt on her face where those determined eyes leaked tears of desperation. But in the end, it is obvious that her will had won over her tears because she walked. She walked with a cloud before her by day and a fire guiding her by night. "It must be the right path," she kept thinking, "because the hard way is always the right way...right?"
One day her walking stopped as the cloud dissipated and a field of flowers appeared to her right. Not just any field of flowers, but as far as those blue eyes could see there were flowers of every type, shape and size pointing their faces towards the Son. There were yellow daffodils, purple tulips, red poinsettias, pink roses, white gardenias, violets, lotus blooms, lavender, and daisies. There were irises, orchids, lilies, chrysanthemums, petunias, marigolds, stargazers, and cherry blossoms. There were even flowers not yet named or recognized ever before. The colors were spectacular and the scene was breathtaking. As she walked into the field as if magnetically drawn to the beauty,
a rag doll amidst gems,
she bent down and touched a lilac flower that caught her attention. Unexpectedly she heard a whisper in the breeze that said, "this flower means "first love". You, my darling, are my first love." She turned and touched a pansy and she heard the whisper once again that said, "this flower means "loving thoughts". My thoughts of love over you are as numerous as this endless field of flowers, Princess." And so she turned and touched another one, a magnolia, and she heard, "did you know I was restoring your dignity as this flower represents?" The touch of the purple tulip told her she was royalty, and of the jasmine flower she heard grace and elegance spoken over her, and the ginger flower she heard, "I am proud of you", and then the peony flower she heard the words, "I am healing you, child." and on and on did she hear declarations over her that corresponded with the type of flower and its meaning. Finally, the last one she touched was a lily... a beautiful pink and white lily. And she heard the whisper,"I grew this one specifically for you. I have even given you a name from this flower. And through this lily, it will be a declaration of thepurity that I am restoring to you. I have given you a new name and I will adorn you with this flower. You will go forth and restore purity back into this world even though it robbed you of your own. But now you walk in my purity, my Love." She felt rushing water flow over her. She felt as if hands were washing her feet, and when she opened her eyes, she looked down and saw her dress was brand new and pure white, her feet were cleaned, a beautiful lily was placed within her hair, and the tear streaks were wiped away. She was radiant! And as she walked towards the path that the cloud by day was beckoning her to go, she watched her dress transform right before her! Gold began to be interwoven between the seams to the point that it appeared as solid gold. Then her hems that had once been caked with mud turned to royal purple. And as she walked the path that appeared to be a dry riverbed, sparkling pure water leaked from her royal purple hem and began to fill the dry river bed with living water. And she walked. She walked with a fierce determination not out of pain and hardness of path, but rather on a specified mission. The royalty filled her veins, the warrior within her came forth, and the purity shone bright. And as she walked, she heard the whispers of love over her, the whisper of her own name, and the whispers of the names of those she is being sent to love. And so she walked, the rag doll amidst gems that became a gem for others.
What do you do when someone looks you in the eye and tells you that you are an evangelist or a prophet, or say that you have the gift of healing or prophetic worship?
Being a "Baptist kid",
my first instinct is to run screaming that these people are crazy!
But I'm not talking denomination drama but rather truth!
What if there is truth behind the mist?
Would you risk the truth and miss deeper places of His heart?
What if He has more for you?
What if we believed it with our very core?
I'm not trying to stir controversy. I find it all in Scripture so I have to believe that there is a call on our lives to become FULLYALIVE!
Man, I want it, don't you!!!!
Think about it ...Jesus IS life.
And He says in Luke,
"I have come to give you life and life abundant".
He's literally saying "I have come to give MYSELF to you...and in ABUNDANCE!"
Rain down on us, Jesus!
I was listening to a David Crowder song the other day and he talked about "Jesus washing my feet". As a leader, I have washed the feet of those who were following me, but I never thought of Jesus, the real deal JESUS, bending in the dirt to wipe the dust from MY feet!
Shouldn't it be the other way around!!!!
I tattooed my left foot with the words "The one whom Jesus loves" with a lily next to it which means "restored purity".
It makes me picture His hands caressing the words marked not just on my skin forever but as well as upon my heart...and it's a crazy humbling thought. But in a way it's a call for us to arise.
I think of Ephesians 6 during the "Amour of God" section that says "feet fitted with the Gospel of peace".
Its as if Jesus washes our feet, rains himself upon us cleansing and purifying us, and then He ties the sandals of Truth upon our feet and sends us out to be messengers of His love letter for the world to bring order and peace in the chaos. It's a love thing, but it's a mission!
Like a daddy releasing his child into the world with a detrimental assignment because he trusts us THAT much!
And you know what I am beginning to fathom and grasp?
I was created to be loved! Guys, there's a God out there, so just RELAX. Breath, be, live, rest, dance, sing, scream, run, whatever!
And know in you're heart of hearts that you were loved first before you could even grasp how to love.
When you begin to take hold of this truth of love in its entirety...
trying and pleasing stops,
shame and guilt are gone,
and the true "you" begins to blossom.
I heard God tell me this week, "Kate you're not letting me love you."
Deep breath, "show me how God".
If we but let ourselves be loved by the God who is Love, if we let him caress and wash the dirt off our feet, if we receive the Life in abundance which is our beautiful Jesus, if we emerge as our true selves awakened to a call, would there be chaos left in this world
or would there remain only footsteps in the sand that brought the Gospel of peace to a generation of people waiting to be loved!
* click on "Intern Support" and decide if you would like to do a monthly or one time donation. Make sure to enter my full name Kate Williams/ January 2011 term. **All donations are tax deductible**
Thank you for your investment in prayers, encouragement and support!
Well, it is rounding out the end of my first month here in Spain training at G42 Leadership Academy. Who knew that the Costa del Sol of Spain would be so cold! I am sitting on my couch with a flaming heater 2 feet away from me and a huge mug of hot water to keep me warm, but I am sure you have your methods where you are at as well. I packed for tropical weather and found out that I was quite mistaken. But hey, that's part of the adventure!
The first weekof being here I kept telling God, "I can't believe that You want me here!"I always had this idea that if I completely surrendered to God, He would send me to an arid region in the middle of Africa. Yet instead I find myself on the Costa del Sol in a village known as Mijas with beautiful mountains to my back and the gorgeous blue waters of the Mediterranean Sea below. Everywhere I turn looks like an exquisite postcard! I want that to encourage you next time God asks you to surrender to Him. Remember and believe that He has mountains and oceans of love He wants to take you to! And its one heck of a ride!
Climbed to the mountain peaks overlooking Mijas and the Mediteranean.
MOUNTAIN PEAKS AND OCEANS OF LOVE!
So, I know I kind of fell off the face of the Earth for this past month. Honestly, I have felt on overload with all the new challenges and information to process as well as adjusting to a new culture and environment. It kind of put me at a loss of words. By the end of this next month it will officially be the longest place I have stayed without moving in over a year! I am ready to be still for a bit, but I think finding stillness has been hard to come about for me. My mind is being blown that the dreams God has placed on my heart CAN really happen. Our teachers challenge us to reach out and grab what God is handing out to us. I think we wait around hoping to find out what God's will is for our lives when He is looking at us and saying "You ARE my will". Just Go! There are millions of places in this world WAITING for someone to just go to and tell them of Jesus. Just step out and He will guide and bless our obedience.
Anyways, so much more to come! But I want you to know I am alive and well. I haven't forgotten you and hope you still remember me every now and then. We are beginning to research and map our vision plans for the organizations, businesses, church plants, etc that God is calling us to. After the first three months, we will be working that into an actual business plan and go through the steps and connections to fabricate it. Please pray for big dreams and clear vision for my life as I step out in this obedience.
Love ya'll tons!!!!
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Support Update:
Received to Date: $1,570
Still Needed to Continue Training: $4,430
If you feel led to continue to financially support the future of my ministry....
***You can donate by check to the following address:
* click on "Intern Support" and decide if you would like to do a monthly or one time donation. Make sure to enter my full name Kate Williams/ January 2011 term. **All donations are tax deductible**
Thank you for your investment in prayers, encouragement and support!
Anyone who can inspire me to go running lately is kind of a Big Deal! Patty, the one I told you about, had a day of little pain from the endometriosis or treatments and she ended up running not once, but TWICE! So, I thought to myself if she can do that, then I need to get off my butt and go stretch my legs out. Plus, looking outside my window it was just too beautiful of a day to pass up. The unusual cold Florida weather is warming up and the light breeze was just right. So I dusted my old sneakers off that happened to be dirtier than the ones I walked through 11 countries in, grabbed my ipod and let loose!
Ha, honestly it was probably my least impressive run ever, but it was one of my favorites.
I ran, then walked, then ran again and ... walked. I just enjoyed running for no one other than myself. And He was there too.
I love when I don't need to say anything, but can just throw my arms up, let out a big smile, and be me.
He kinda loves when I do that!
I stop trying to be the someone I sometimes feel I have to be, and the release allows me to just thrive as the woman He made me.
I have a lot of anxious thoughts lately, hence another reason why I was craving to run.
I leave for Spain in 16 days to attend a discipleship training center that will train and prepare me for my calling! I'm excited, but the questions of what lie ahead is there. I sit here thinking that I have no clue what I am getting myself in to and that maybe I just stepped in to something way over my head.
And I wonder why I do it.
Last night I got to speak at a church about this past year and finished up with the burden of my heart on human trafficking. As I was getting ready to speak I just kept feeling like I can't do this. But I knew the truth was is that I can, and I stand in the power of Christ. FYI public speaking is not what I love to do, but silence doesn't bring life and change in this world, does it? So I think about Spain and I feel like screaming I can't do this. But the truth is, is that I can!
This is me letting out my infamous African scream on stage in Romania!
Proof i can scream .. and loud :)
Three mornings ago, whether I was dreaming this or what, but I woke up to the words "because she's loved" going through my thoughts over and over again. And I knew immediately those words were for every woman and child out there suffering some sort of injustice. In that, God gave me the answer to why I can do this...because she's loved. God told me this is why you're here...because she's loved. It's why I cannot quit, it's why I will not let the uncomfortable overcome me, its why my anxiousness will be handed over to God maybe a hundred times a day and every day....is because she's loved! And in the meantime, it's because I am loved too.
Sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and I think what can I, out of all people, do to change the world?!
It's me, I'm not really a big deal.
But God has brought me to the point of saying, no, despite the odds and excuses, it is going to start with me! I don't have to change the entire world, I just have to change my world which means wherever he calls me to I'm to bring Kingdom. So for now, I will be seeing friends, soaking up time with the family, speaking where I can, and just living each day doing what I am called to do...bring His Kingdom.
Oh and Lord, don't forget to have grace on me!!!!!!
I have come home to find that life goes on.
People have heartaches.
Pain is just as real here as it is on the other side of the world.
I hate especially when it is the ones you're closest to.
I want to tell you the story of my best friend who I love like a sister! Her name is Patty and she has Endometriosis.
You may ask, "What is Endometriosis?"
Endometriosis occurs when the tissue that lines the uterus migrates... to the fallopian tubes, ovaries... bladder... even into the intestines. Regular hormonal changes cause it to bleed and heal, but it doesn't go away. Instead, it continues to grow and bleed into your abdominal cavity, causing pain and scarring.Endometriosis Association
Remember the story in the Bible about the woman who was continuously bleeding and touched the hem of Jesus' garment and He healed her?
Well its been going on for centuries.
I hear Patty tell me of the wrenching pain she is in because of this disease that seems to have no explanation of where it comes from nor dopeople have an idea how to cure it. She goes through surgery to try to destroy the inner sores that are spreading within her, but in return the treatments keep her bedridden.
I've never felt so helpless. I want to hug her and hold her, but distance keeps us a part.
I want to tell her it will be okay, but honestly I don't know.
I want to carry the pain for her even for a day if it can lift her spirits and let her really live.
I never met a woman who truly LIVES like Patty does.
She is one of the most hardcore people I know. She is a physical trainer; she bikes, runs, and lifts weights that can put most guys to shame. And she is so beautiful! Inwardly and out.
The most beautiful thing about her is her love for God. She doesn't blame God, but rather wants to use her pain to help others who are going through this as well.
I guess hardcore people stick together because Patty has a friend named Jane and Jane is training right now to run the Great Wall of China as an awareness for endometriosis as well as to help raise funds that will spur on research to find a cure for this disease. It's considered to be
one of thetop five hardest adventure marathons in the worldand less than 400 athletes finish annually. But I believe in Jane and what she is doing!To hear Jane's story and to find out more about what she is embarking on to find a cure and support our friend, please check this website out:
www.patty4endo.com
And if you want to be a part for fighting for the thousands of woman that are silently suffering without hope for a cure for a disease that is reeking havoc on their bodies, please spread the word about what Jane is doing and get involved!
I am sitting here on my living room couch at home babysitting my little nephew that I got to meet for the first time just a few days ago!
Ahhh, and I am home!
It feels weird to finally say that phrase. I've been trying to prepare myself for this moment of being alone, having my own room, taking a real shower, being asked the many questions like "how was your year?", and so on.
You may ask how is it to be home? Well, the best way I can explain it is that it feels like two worlds have collided and I got caught in the middle. What is real? What was real? Who am I now? I have to cling to truth like never before. I have to remember who God told me I am this past year, I cannot go back to who I was because that is not who I am.
It's hard to believe that this journey is over. 11 countries in 11 months!
I like to believe that God used me to transform lives, transform the nations. I do know that the people I met transformed me. I am a new person because I met the hundreds of "you's" (whoever you may be) around the world. I see the world new, I see my world new, I see you new.
I want you to know that you also changed my world too. Your prayers and support changed lives around the world as well. You made a difference, and there is more awaiting you. Donft lose heart, don't lose vision. Someone once told me that if you are still breathing, then God's not done using you yet. If you're reading this, you're most likely breathing! =) There are so many things that a lot of us feel we have to do to please God. From my experience ....
Justlook to His face. Seek His heart. He loves you. He sees you. And He has never left your side. Feelings change, but the truth is what remains.
You also may ask, "So what's next?"
I was hoping that you would ask that!
God has shown me a lot of who I am this past year....
A mouthpiece to the nations.
A voice for the voiceless.
One who stands against injustice.
I kept asking God, "What do I do with that? Where do I go from here?"
And He answered.
I have applied and been accepted to G42 Leadership Training Center located in Spain.
It's a place where I can be discipled one on one.
It's a place that teaches the foundation of God's character and his heart.
It's a place that helps you fabricate your calling into a reality.
And it is the next step God is asking me to take.
I know Spain sounds like an amazing place to go, but in all honesty it's a very uncomfortable step for me to take. But I want to be in God's will and if that means getting into the uncomfortable, then I will do it. Because I have to remember, it's not about me, it's about the Kingdom of God.
This is my team...Team Umoja....in Moldova at the end of our year!
"We have fought the good fight, we have finished the race, we have kept the faith."
gems, 
